ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Two words: nipple clamps
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