im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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