My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
