Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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