they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
