How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
