Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
