People in love make me want to vomit
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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