it wasn't lemon gatorade
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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