I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you traded sex for a burrito?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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