he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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