Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize