I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
