We're like a lot better than the average bears
My room smells like vodka and shame
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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