he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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