you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
