Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
