Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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