There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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