he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
