on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
