i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
