1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
