Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
