getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
