We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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