guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
