Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My life is pants optional.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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