I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
