Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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