Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
