guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
