your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
