it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
