You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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