So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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