Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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