Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
