im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
