i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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