Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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