Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
