She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so let's talk penis.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
