All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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