Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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