Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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