Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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