There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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