i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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