My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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