we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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