I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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