I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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