Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
