So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
