i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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