Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
They should really pass out barf bags in church
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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