from now on my penis is your penis
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
