life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
