while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize