just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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