Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize