Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
