U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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