My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
why is half of my head shaved?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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