Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
