She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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