The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
