She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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