I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
