So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize