You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
